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[ No. No he’s not and he doesn’t intend to, not now, not-

He takes a breath. ]

Hit me.

I think Timbers went is gone. I've had an idea of it a few days, but tonight I went to Trixie and no one's seen him for awhile, Dick.

Who knows how long, he didn't call on my birthday, which didn't seem like him.

[ Tim. It hits like a punch to the gut, and as soon as Jason says it he knows it's true. It hadn't occurred to him to wonder. To go chasing Tim down yesterday, that day before that. When was the last time he'd even seen him?

Because the truth is this Tim avoids him, for reasons he's tried not to take personally. Because he thought he'd been giving him the space he'd needed. Clearing room for them to reconnect. To fix whatever mistakes that other Dick Grayson had made. His heart thuds. ]

Hold that thought.

[ He calls back thirty minutes later, after he's checked the file at City Hall, done a run-through of local police reports, and yelled at the man unlucky enough to be sneaking a long smoke break instead of hopping to his request.

He's in Tim's room now, sitting on the unmade bed. ]

He's gone.

[ Jason spent that time making coffee and working on sobering up with a quick shower, he had to work in a couple hours. He was an old hand at making himself look put together when he was falling apart. So when Dick called back he sat the cup aside, and did indeed sound less slurring.]

Poor smoke break dude.

Jason sighed some. ]

Fuck this place, he couldn't have just... why would he do that?

[ He leans against the counter. Thinking about the fact he skipped Tim's funeral. In a way it gives him a bit of hope, maybe Timbers was gonna cheat death like they all do. But if Tim faked it like Dick had done in his time... boy he'd raise ten kinds of hell. ]

Do you want me to come over, to help you tell Little D, or how should we handle that?

[ Its not a conversation he's looking forward to, but he'd also never really had the impression that Tim and Damian were particularly close. It's his own reaction he needs to manage now. Too many people depend on him.

He'll see Tim again. He knows that. There's no reason for the hollow ache settling in the middle of his chest. The sense that he's lost something.

Maybe that's what he hears in Jason's voice. ]

...I wouldn't mind the company.

[ He doesn't particularly want to talk to anyone butJason right now. ]

Send me your address again.

[ He knew it but he felt less stalkerish acting like hearing forgotten. Or didn't know. He moves grabbing his messenger bag and jacket and moves towards the door carrying his coffee cup.]

I'll be there within a few minutes.

Edited 2017-09-11 21:16 (UTC)

[ Dick sends the address, which is actually Clark's address now. He's staying here for Jon, because it's what Jon needs right now and being here is all he can do when he can't do anything else. On most days he doesn't mind.

Today it feels like a mausoleum.

But he gets up anyway, pulling himself together enough to realize he still lacks the will to change out of his rumpled police uniform. To contemplate packing Tim's few meager belongings up like unclaimed baggage. He collapses on the sofa instead, eating greasy chips straight from the bag and half-wishing now that he hadn't made the offer to Jason, because it will hurt if he doesn't show up. ]

[ Jason already knew of course, from visiting Jon the night of his message. He hadn't gone into the home just stood at the door and talked to the boy, but it had been mentioned that the Wayne children would be staying to help Jon.

It didn't take him long to catch a ride to the house, he had a few hours to kill, it would be fine. A quick text was sent to Dick again as he made his way to the door without knocking. I'm here, where you at? If Damian or Jon were asleep he didn't want to wake them, so once the message was sent he tried the door, if it was locked he would wait. If not he'd make his way inside shrugging off his jacket. ]

Inside

[ But in case Jason doesn't take that as the invitation it's meant to be Dick meets hm at the door. An acknowledgement that this situation is strange. That this house will never be his, and pretending otherwise feels even stranger now than it had this morning. ]

Hey. [ He tries for a smile, reaching out to clap Jason on the shoulder. Concern turned outward again. ]

How are you holding up?

[ Jason does, and offers his own weak smile to Dick. He's gotten better at faking it for the sake of the kids he lives with. When Dick grabs his shoulder he reaches our mirroring the same as he holds his jacket in one hand.]

Better than you, I'd guess Officer seriously though I don't know. I hate the idea of him being gone. weird as it sounds, me and Timbers were pretty cool back here recently anyway.

Anyway, how are you doing? Working and taking care of the boys can't be easy.

It's... fine. It- [ It's patently a lie, and it's one he suddenly doesn't have the stomach for. ]

...It sucks. It really-

The kids are fine, it's not that. But Jon needs his father, and there's just not a lot I can do about that now.

[ This place has taken Jon's parents from him twice over. And however much he might love Damian, he's never sure he's doing right by him at all.

He's not the Dick Grayson they need.

He's also sure that's not at all what Jason needed to hear from him just now. He's the oldest. He avoids his gaze for a moment, ashamed. ]

Yeah, you went from a free bird to a single father with one disappearance. It's kinda hard. Not to mention the questions going from brother to dad raises.

[ He tried to ease some of the air before he tossed his jacket somewhere to sit.]

Come on, lets get some coffee, I'm still sobering up here. And you know if you need help, you can call me. Even if the demon spawn hates me.

He's a handful. [ It's not something he's about to deny, but there's affection in his voice rather than reproach.

Jason looks like he could use that coffee alright, so he leads him into the house, making a beeline for the kitchen. He's been drinking it straight from the pot by the gallon, but he ought to try and set an example here. ]

Reminds me of another pain in the behind I used to know. [ One he'd met again fairly recently. His eyes flick towards Jason as he empties the filter. ]

He is, but he's a good kid at heart. I'll deny that if you tell him I said it to.

[ He teased as he followed Dick through the house. His eyes tracking everything he could, even part hung over and still a little tipsy, he was curious what kind of house the Kent's had that Dick now ran.

Jason would only judge him drinking it right out of the pot. Alfred taught them better than that.

Moving he found a place to sit, rubbing his temples some.]

Oh, shut up. [ No bite to it.] I've heard that one before, from you no less.

Your secret’s safe with me. [ A little dry, but benign. There are no surprises here. ]

So. [ He takes the seat beside Jason. Levels him with his gaze.

He needs to ask. He needs to know. ]

You want to tell me about Tim?

[ Jason shifted his head some on to his hand as he looked at Dick. A worried look crossed his features as he sat back ignoring his head. Always fidgeting when he was uncertain. ]

Tim's dead, Dick. They couldn't even recover a body. He got blasted...

[ Jason hated the weight of each word. he knew how much Dick adored Tim, but he also figured Dick had a right to know. It would be a douche move not to tell someone their brother's dead. ]

I should have told you sooner, but I don't think he even knew.

[ Tim's sleeplessness. His disappearances. The careful gaps in the stories he'd told. The fragmented history he knows they've all been feeding him. Maybe even his reticence.

He has the answer he hadn't wanted to hear. The answer that's haunted his nightmares. Dick is entirely still for a moment, running it all back in his mind on autopilot. All the oxygen saps from the room. ]

Who?

[ His eyes don't leave Jason's face; dark but expressionless. It's the only question that matters now. ]

[ Jason hated being the barer of bad news. He looked zapped for energy as he spoke it. ]

I was hoping it was bullshit. No body? I mean, we know enough that if theirs no body there's a fucking chance. I wanted to talk to him about it but we never got the chance.

[ It was why he had been so excited to see Tim in the Trixie video. But saying as much stirred the unsettled feeling inside of him thinking about Dick's funeral... and the truth that his brother lied to him, to Barbara to them all. He looked up to Dick with that haunted look. He couldn't blame this Dick for the future him's mistakes.

Instead he sat back and rubbed at his face.]

I crawled my way out of hell, maybe he will to.

[ Hell.

Because he hadn’t reached him in time. He hadn’t pushed hard enough, hadn’t found a way to bridge the gap even enough to understand what he’d been up against. He’d had his chance to tear Tim out of death’s hands, and he’d let it slip away.

It’s a feeling he can’t breathe around. It fills up every part of him, vicing around his rip cage. ]

No. [ His hands are shaking. There’s nothing quiet in his tone, nothing soft left in his eyes. ]

Not what. Who.

[ Jason hadn't been in hell, at least Oliver had said as much to Bruce once. He didn't remember that much himself.

Hearing the clarification he nodded, taking a breath.]

Their called the Colony, I don't really have much Intel on it. I'm not exactly close to the family... at all. I... I hope he'll find a way back. Tim deserves a second chance.

[ There was a silent more than me. but it hung in the air.]

I shouldn't have told you.

[ The thing inside him is twisting already, shock giving way to a deep, punishing fury. They've all lied to him, he knows that. Blamed him. Called on him to assume every burden of the Dick Grayson they know while they lock him out of their secrets like a stranger. Like Bruce. Just like Bruce.

He slams his fist against the wall hard enough to rattle the foundation. It isn't enough. it will never be enough. ]

No. [ His voice breaks, and he can feel his eyes welling up before he's entirely aware of the sensation. ]

Because you should've found it in your heart to tell me two and a half months ago.

[ Jason can't take sitting still, not when he hears Dick's voice break on that single painful No. He pushed himself up, almost considering leaving, just taking off and letting bridges burn again. Though, this version of Dick had done nothing wrong. He had long enough to let the old stuff go, it was recent years that had brought more bad blood... and even that had thinned with a few visits and a few jobs together.

He knew Dick was right, but admitting he's wrong was never easy for him, Not with the giant chip on his shoulders. He took a few steps from the chairs, keeping his back to Dick, looking out from the kitchen at the rest of the house. The words that come are like a slap and he knows he deserves it. He deserves much worse. Hell, he knows anyone in the family, himself included would rather it be him that had been gone again than Tim. Tim was good. Tim deserved better. ]

I didn't tell you because I didn't know if Tim wanted me to. If he knows, he has a right to choose who knows. You might not think so, but your lucky to not know the shit we've gone through in recent years. I honestly hope you stay that lucky.

[ He doesn't look back to Dick, he just lets out a heavy sigh. ]

I should go.

Fine. [ Tim is gone. Tim is gone and Jason knew, and now it’s too late.

He lets out an anguished, choked sound and then he has to look away, furious and humiliated, because now that he’s started he doesn’t know how to stop. Tears stream down his face. ]

That’s what you do best, isn’t it?

[ Jason didn't make the steps to leave, no, he heard that choked noise. It hurt something deep inside of him. Dick shouldn't cry. Dick was the only true shining light out of all of them. He can't look back. He can't.

He doesn't let himself move though. He caused this, he had to stay and deal with it.]

Fair enough. [ It was true, even if it was a question.] I leave because it's what Bruce wants, Dick. It's hard wired. I do what I've been called for and I get the fuck out of Dodge. I hurt you, you, the only person besides Tim and Alfred, who will give me the time of day.

[ He can't help but think of the betrayal he felt standing next to Tim when Dick reveled his death had been a fake... and how good it felt to sit at Batburger with Dick, Duke and Damian. ]

What would you have me do? Stay and hurt you more?

[ Bruce never raised him for this kind of weakness. He covers his face with his hand, trying vainly to pull himself back together. To make himself see something other than Tim's lost, tired face. The hope there in the moment they'd met. His precious, stolen life.

It doesn't matter anymore if it's the future or the past. A different world altogether. He'd failed them all. All of them. ]

Just go. [ The words strangle him. ]

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hititwithacrowbar - 2017-09-29 15:50 (UTC) - Expand